i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
