No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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