I just gift wrapped bread.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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