i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
