He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
