Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
