my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
