Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
