Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
