Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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