we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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