I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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