Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
