Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
