I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
