why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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