She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
