operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
