I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Houston, we have a blender
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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