the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
