haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
