bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
