Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
