you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
