question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
