I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
