Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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