I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
