One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
