She went from zero to smokin in five shots
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
