so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
