I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
