We won't sleep together?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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