just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
