So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
