My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
