Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
