Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
