# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
