Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
