I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
