i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Someone came in the potted fern
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
