i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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