yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
