Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
