I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
