Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
