I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
