so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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