the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
