My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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