Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
