So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
