I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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