we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
