U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
