i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
