Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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